We Met Honey Boo Boo!

We met Honey Boo Boo and her family! They were at a local Walmart here in Macon, Georgia, signing autographs and promoting the new season of their hit show, “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo“. We even got an official Honey Boo Boo “Watch ‘n Sniff” card! (But, alas!, we were not able to get it autographed.)

This is a big deal for us! Folks in that huge city north of us, (Atlanta, if you need a hint), are always turning their noses down at us po’ folk in central Georgia. Well we’ve got news for you city slickers! We’ve got us a heap of culture right here! Why McIntyre, Georgia is just a hop, skip, and a jump east of Macon.

And as for those effete snobs from D.C., who years ago shook their heads and wondered about my mental health when I announced I was moving, “down South”, who’s laughing now, huh? Well sure, when I was still living in D.C. I got to attend a speech by George H.W. Bush, (aka “Bush the First”), and Vaclav Havel on the White House lawn, but that ain’t even in the same universe as catching a glimpse of a portly child “star” and her proudly ignorant Mama. Yeah, it’s great to be a man of ” tremendous moral courage”, doing what you can to “part the Iron Curtain, shake the Earth and knock down the Berlin Wall”, thereby freeing millions of human beings from the misery of tyrannous government. But how much more neato-keeno to feed your family by, “clipping copious coupons, playing Bingo, exploiting roadkill, and acquiring child-support checks from each of the four children’s fathers”!

The “Watch ‘n Sniff” card reminds me of the Odorama cards created for the John Waters’ movie Polyester, staring the wonderful Divine. Divine’s early death robbed us of a cultural icon. Perhaps Honey Boo Boo will grow and mature into a massive heap of showmanship like he/she was, picking up the fallen torch and leading us onwards into the brightly glaring future of American cultural enlargement?

We’ll soon find out! On July 17th, grab yer “Watch ‘n Sniff” card and a couple of cold ones, sit yer butt down in that comfy chair, and tune the old TV to TLC as we all watch the season premiere of, “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo“. God bless us all!